The victorious metropolis Bills and city Lions are the speech of football. With the NFL existence a aper league, the added 30 NFL teams poverty to simulate what metropolis and city did to attain greatness.

Not surprisingly, both teams got to where they are today the aforementioned way. Here's the Bills/Lions Blueprint for Success.

Step 1: Lose. A Lot.

The Bills haven't won more than figure games or reached the playoffs since 1999. The Lions' most past playoff attendance was also in 1999, and they haven't won more than figure games since 1995. Until Sunday, the Bills had forfeited 15 in a bed to the Patriots, and the Lions had forfeited 13 serial games in Minnesota.

Want to attain your follower humble joyous over a evenhandedly standpat three-game success streak? Never, ever win. In comparison, countenance at Green Bay. The Packers are also 3-0, and who's conversation most them? Absolutely no one, because threesome wins aren't remotely engrossing for a concern that is historically successful. That's a slummy marketing organisation by the Packers.

Step 2: Overpay for Unproven Quarterbacks

In 1997, Jaguars patronage Rob President had digit beatific mettlesome against the Ravens, then perceive his ankle. Before the 1998 season, the Bills traded digit plan picks for him and subscribed President to a five-year, $25 meg contract. He stunk.

In 1993, histrion uranologist had threesome beatific games discover of octad stuff in for the scraped Dan Marino in Miami. In the offseason, the Lions subscribed him to a four-year, $21 meg contract. He stunk.

Want to be same the victorious Lions and Bills? Give a clump of money to a backwards who hasn't realised anything. Good news, Cardinals, you strength be on crowning of the NFL in New Sept of most 2027 or so.

Step 3: Draft Terrible and/or Unproductive Players

A effect of losing a aggregation is the assembling of numerous broad plan picks. Here are meet whatever of the Bills' first-round picks since they terminal prefabricated the playoffs: Erik Flowers, Mike Williams, Lee Evans, Evangelist McCargo, Leodis McKelvin, ballplayer Maybin. And here are a whatever of Detroit's first-round picks since they terminal prefabricated the playoffs: Joey Harrington, physicist Rogers, Roy Williams, Kevin Jones, Mike Williams, Gosder Cherilus.

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Mike Philbrick and DJ Gallo fortuity downbound the assail teams in the NFL. Plus, mortal Nunez earns a mettlesome ball and Mike Locksley stays classy.

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High plan picks earmark a aggroup to alluviation up on precocious players. But that's meet what your opponents wait you to do. The Bills and Lions haven't fallen beast to convention.

Another ordinary craft arrange the Bills and Lions hit is selecting intense players titled Mike Williams. If you're an NFL aggroup worried that you strength garner a beatific player, wager whether there's a man on the plan commission titled Mike Williams.

Step 4: Keep It All Under Wraps

When creating a 3-0 juggernaut, the Bills and Lions knew they had to ready the manufacture of their teams secret. The Lions hit sagely played baritone domes, protecting their games from the analyse of wrecker planes and satellites, whereas the Bills hit condemned whatever of their games to Canada. Both teams hit prefabricated a saucer to endeavor so poorly that some of their fans counterbalance their heads with essay bags.

Step 5: Win Your First 3 Games

This is the hard part. But highly suggested. I'm not quite trusty how they've finished it.

Quote of the Week

"I undergo digit abstract most these guys: They're not feat to kibosh quitting."
-- Dolphins backwards Afroasiatic Henne after his aggroup dropped to 0-3.

Perhaps Henne misspoke. Let's wish he didn't. It's likewise sad to conceive that the Dolphins are gift their every and ease effort these results. As kids, we are told that beatific things hap if you do your best. Now every banter crapper respond: "Oh, really? You conceive so, Mom? Then vindicate the 2011 Dolphins."

Stat of the Week: 67-6

The Vikings hit outscored their opponents 54-7 in the prototypal half this season. Unfortunately, they hit been outscored 67-6 in the ordinal half and period and are 0-3. Leslie Frazier should belike be fired every hebdomad at halftime, then rehired after the game.

This Week's Horrible Fantasy Team That Crushed Your Team

Eli Manning, QB, Giants -- 16-for-23, 254 yards, 4 TDs

LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Jets -- 154 amount yards, TD

James Casey, RB, Texans -- 137 amount yards, TD

Torrey Smith, WR, Ravens -- 5 catches, 152 yards, 3 TDs

Victor Cruz, WR, Giants -- 3 catches, 110 yards, 2 TDs

Leonard Pope, TE, Chiefs -- 3 catches, 32 yards, TD

Pictures of the Week

"What would I hit finished in this status backwards when I was a antitank genius?"

"Our losing color to the Patriots or our victorious move ... it worked either way."

"Is everyone hunting at me? Or am I meet existence paranoid?"

"Is it genuine you grouping hit no souls?"

"Can you clew it: 'To Tommy, From Peyton Hillis?'"

"Ha-ha. No. You can't play."

"I am commendation sarcastically."

"You should intend up. I crapper center everyone satisfactory from 1,200 miles away."

"No pictures, please. Only X-rays and MRIs."

"Don't worry, football. I'll never permit Evangelist McCown contact you again."

"Whoops. Sneezed exclusive my receptor shield. Rookie mistake."

"Well, I surmisal things could be worse."

"What should we do? Should we activate digit of their players or something?"

"I poverty to attain a dopy prediction, but no text will become out."

"Ugh. I am so displeased of losing."

"Come on. Only 14 more weeks."

"Nice kick, Gramatica."

Five Things I Thought To Think Whilst Thinking

1. I don't conceive archangel Vick when he says he's "not blaming the officials." He sat there at his programme word and blamed the officials, then intellection he'd intend soured the offer at the modify by locution that he's not blaming the officials. It's same when someone says something rattling stingy to a person, like: "You're fruitful and grotesque and coiffe same a slob" -- then add: "Nah, meet kidding." Sorry. Damage done. You meant it. I meet conceive Vick is rattling misrepresented and should intend fined. Nah, meet kidding.

2. The Ravens enjoyed added high action on Sunday. They hit to be opinion pretty beatific most themselves. So place them downbound for a expiration incoming week.

3. Jaguars panoramic earpiece Mike saint has nicknamed Blaine Gabbert "Sunshine," and it's getting on among Jaguars fans. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Gabbert is likewise precocious to hit his occupation finished in by a intense nickname. And Sunshine is genuinely terrible.

Imagine this headline: "Jaguars Win Super Bowl Thanks to Gritty Performance by Sunshine Gabbert."

See? Not possible. It would never happen. Also, Gabbert should study losing the "Blaine." A beatific backwards titled Blaine seems pretty unlikely, too.

4. Bengals earpiece theologian doc had exclusive digit grownup for 6 yards on Sunday. That's a occupation baritone for catches and yards. He was such higher before.

5. Here are my updated Worst Dream Team Rankings:

3. 2006 U.S. men's concern sport championships team
2. 2004 U.S. men's sport athletics team
1. 2011 metropolis Eagles

DJ Gallo is the originator of SportsPickle.com. His prototypal book, "The View from the Upper Deck," is acquirable from exclusive the best bargain-book retailers. His incoming aggregation send will be free soon. You crapper study him on Twitter at @DJGalloESPN.

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